she's a genius

i need new songs to listen. i hate listening to the radio. especially in the morning. where u got this rubbish morning talks, those stupid "gotcha" sessions annoyed me every single time (then again, why did i listen to those rubbish kan? haha). sigh. but really, i need new songs to listen! i've burned like more than 20 CDs, but listened to only the most recent one over and over and over again. i need a new compilation :<

oh another thing, i've never been this cold. never been this ignorant. somehow i'm glad i'm this way now. it makes me impervious to emotional attacks. stops me from being too sensitive.

oh ho. felt like a robot.

it's freaking me out, it has been almost 5 months and a half since i started working with Exxon. where did the past 5 months+ went? i feel indifferent. time just keep passing by, yet i dont move.

what else to babble, hmm...

work is damn tiring, stressful, depressing, demotivating, etc etc.

done.

took things for granted

elo. we meet again :) i guess i've probably lost almost 99% of my blog readers (coz i dont have much to start with). sigh. haha. give me a chance to do this again k?

so what's up?

• it's the 1st day of Ramadhan today. Happy Fasting everyone. may we continue doing the good deeds we used to, but with additions during this Holy month.
• it has been 114 days i've worked with ExxonMobil. to be honest, i'm still not able to stabilize my life up till now. i guess that's the point of working over there, to always feel uncomfortable.
• hence, becoming one of the source of discontentment i'm having right now. it's not like i have been content ever since, but, it has gotten worse :(
• trust me, working life is hard. the money is good, the status is even better. but the freedom to choose u get, is really gonna make u miserable. freedom to choose: u can literally pave ur own way in life in whatever way u desire. men are naturally greedy, never satisfied with what they have. note: men = human being, bukan lelaki only. :P
• it's such a big world out there, endless discovery - but what goes around comes around, no matter how hard we tried to escape cliches, we'll end up in one. and u'll get to know people in the most impossible way possible.
• hence, the world is actually small.
  
• i've realized that i've not been buying gadgets since i started working.
• current gadget crave: HTC Hero (screw iPhone)
  

• oh besarnye gambar di atas. but yeah, that is as far as my gadget hunger goes. nothing else :|
• i went to the MTV World Stage Live in Malaysia. my 1st concert since i was, 9 years old or something. back then it was KRU. hahaha. it was kinda nice, coz i get to scream my lungs out, let go off everything.
  
• wish i could be that carefree all the time, but life's like this, it cant get any better - at least i thought of it that way, i dont care if u dont. it will get better, but when? i might die tomorrow, so it wont get better la then. huhu
• oh, life (damn, been getting around life for now, someone's gonna hit me back with this. haha). ok, lets continue. oh, life in KL is making me impatient. the traffic jams, the long queues, the amount of people - what you call living life in the fast lane. affected my driving attitude as well. fast. lane. must. speed. accelerate. reduce. braking. sigh.
• i rarely have time for myself.
  
• i guess i dont love myself enough.
  
• i have a new bad habit.
• i'm afraid of consequences. i'm afraid to give myself reasons to deviate, even for my own good.
  
• i took things for granted.

people took me for granted previously. i guess it's affecting me now. i tend to not care much bout things and when i did that, i tend to care too much on a single thing. No matter what it is, i dont wanna care what's the consequence gonna be.

i did take things for granted, consciously. but i know i'm making up for it consciously too. i hope that i'll turn out to be a better person along Ramadhan.

for that, I apologize to everyone affected. its a conscious decision, but forced to do so by situations. i'm not perfect, so forgive my humanly weaknesses.

to everyone, lets not take this month for granted, as what we did last year. we never know if we're gonna be in this month again. so be grateful! ;)

enough rants for today. will be resumed some time later next week. hopefully with good news and brighter outlook on my side.

welcoming myself back with a brand new look.

last but not least, these are the previous collection of photos that i'm supposed to post 3 months ago i think? haha. i would wanna take more photos in the short future. hope for the best!

to you: this aint gonna be easy. but no matter how hard it is, how complicated the path i'm taking to make this happen, i'll hold on to it. my prayers with this.

my first wedding job: Saiful Nizam & Siti Rohaida

hoh, i think this is the biggest post of photos i've ever posted. hehe

weehoo, after quite some time, waited for my flickr quota to reset, post processing of these photos and also the purchase of flickr pro account (yes! i'm a pro user now :D), i can finally upload my, uh, so-called, portfolio for my first wedding job. heee...

uhh. a lot has happened up to this point:

• i bought myself a speedlite (an investment for the wedding). a third party, Nissin Di622. and this marks the completion of my photography equipments. not entirely, but enough to make myself a photographer ;)
• bought myself a proper camera bag to store my equipments, bla3
  
• had my 1st wedding job done, wayyyy at Safira Country Club, Penang. hehe. paid ok! :D
  
• purchased a flickr pro account, to serve as my online safebox for my artsy2 photos
• passed my pre-employment medical checkup!
• andddd, i'll be working anytime soon which may range from few days from now till end of the month

hmm. doesnt seem much la plak. but anyway, that's considered A LOT to me. coz i'm jobLESS. haha

these are the best photos that i've picked for display out of the best photos which will be printed for the couple. if you saw the rest of the photos, they dont look as uh, as good as these kot :P but hey, its my 1st job, gimme a break k? hehe. anyway, critics and comments are very welcomed. i would like to know if you think i'm capable of continuing this job :)

huhu, and i'm gonna start working already, hopefully i'm still able to spend some time doing this as a part time job, as i've started to enjoy this :D

---

anddddd...please gimme some support wokey, dont say that i'm gonna forget bout you guys (or girls) out there once i've started working. i know i suck at keeping in touch, or even maintaining contacts. but trust me, i'm not gonna be that cruel :P hehe. dont worry la, i'll be around in Shah Alam till i dunno when pun.

its been quite some time that i've not been this happy. i know this will be temporary, but i'm enjoying them while they still last :) there has been series of "jiwa kacau" moments in my life previously, and i'm in dire need of getting rid of them quickly. hence, i am really really really looking forward to start working. so that i can deviate my attention towards other things.

sometimes i wonder, should i give up? or should i just keep chasing pavements.

High Dynamic Range (HDR) post processed photos

i already ran out of flickr upload quota and i thought of waiting for the quota to be reset before i post a new entry, but seeing my blog not updated for too long made me anxious. hehe. so here are my latest obsession/specialization/craze collection of the infamous post-processing technique: HDR. head to the link for further explanation :D

it has been quite some time that i didnt post pictures of landscapes and i hope to continue taking landscape photos :) i'm not motivated enuf to go to places alone to take picturessss. haha

i dont know what else to write here. been admitted to the hospital last week, sucks. but getting the news of being called upon for a pre-employment medical checkup during discharge day was sumthing good, really good to hear. so basically life's in balance. :) and i'm grateful for that.

life seems brighter ahead. i hope it will be.

oh oh, and i got myself a job as a wedding photographer! who would've imagined that i'll venture into this arena of photography...huhu. its gonna be a very good experience :D and if all goes well, i hope to continue this as a part time job ;P

till then~

---

i'm still lost and blind.

beware

i'm volatile.

still.

---

i apologize to those close to me. i may not be in my best condition right now. i know i've been selfish, i dismissed your opinions, being over-sensitive and such an ego-maniac.

i wish things could be brighter, easier and happier. give me a chance, and a tad bit more time.

back to the real world~

Lake Garden photo outing, new lens and old pic

;P

old pic

new lens

Lake Garden photo outing

oh yeah, i know, i've been quite actively posting pics to flickr recently. i guess i'm a bit motivated by some of my close photog buddies. hehe. good for me tho, i need to work my ass off to really really improve my photography skills (and obviously to finish going through my collection before tons of other photos to be taken -_-"). to be honest, i dont really think that i'm up to the standards of those who really had the passion in photography out there. i do see improvements, even if its tiny, hey, its a start right? ;P

i want to make a photo collage on my bedroom wall. this idea had been around in my head for quite some time, its just that i dont think i have enough suitable photos to start with. any ideas for a photo collage? theme? substance? subject? anything that any of you can throw me with. hehe. i dont want to create the random uncreative collage like some people ;P

oh, my 1st ever job interview sudah berlaluuuu~ haha. it was really really tiring to be honest. the interview lasted for the whole day, 8-5pm. one group interview, 3 individual interviews. 11 candidates, 2 groups. i'm the only freshie in my group plak tu. haih. haha. its not too bad, not too bad. i can say it was kinda 'ok'. but then, ok doesnt mean impressive. but it was a good experience, a good chance for me to meet new ppl. "networking is the most important thing when u work" quoted from one of the interviewers ;P i'm hoping for the best, for me to get through. hehe. pray for me!

---

some people just took me easily. some treated me like i have no feelings, no emotions. some just dont give a shit if i feel offended by their remarks. i just dunno whats wrong with these people.

then again, maybe its just me?

give me a chance.

Karnival 4 KL - extreme games

and the last one is the pic of my new beloved lens! welcoming the TAMRON AF17-50mm F/2.8 Di-II LD Aspherical SP :D

haih, this is an expensive hobby to be frank. it has ALWAYS been. haha. but the hell with the costs, i'm lovin this and i would work hard for it ;) buttt, i dun have that much people around that's serious in photography like i am for me to drag them along for a photo hunting session yet. balik la cepat Edwan! haha. i need to start experimenting with the new lens soon~

life has been pretty much the same since i came back. some things did change. but me? not that much. i'm stronger for sure, but i'm still bitter, highly irritable, sensitive, short tempered and not appreciative. maybe this is the so called "self-worthiness disease" i'm experiencing post-breakdown. i tend to dismiss people's opinion, feel highly of myself and ultimately, can be extra ignorant and behave in an anti-social manner. sigh~

i need motivation. commitments will provide me that. i do hope i'll get a job real real soon. i'm not being myself. i need to get on my own feet again. hence, i need inspiration as well. i want a jobbb! call me crazy, but i cant stand being job-less anymore, its killing meee. ;P

---

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify. Look me in the eye,
and ask for forgiveness.
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again.
Yes, you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
at least we dig each other.

So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday.

If I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering
the better part of me.
Sing this song
remind me that we'll always have each other
when everything else is gone.

Incubus - Dig

i'm just doing my thing

mind you, the title of this post is a snippet from Estrella's Take It Slow. and yeah, i'm actually doing my thing currently: being a full time penganggur, eldest brother (yeah you know, the usual stuff of picking up younger bros and doing chores -_-") and also a full time (???) job seeker. heee :D

it's already 27th of February, in the year of 2009. it has been just past 2 months that i'm job-less. dammit. plans dont just work the way we wanted them to be eh? to be honest, i expect to get at least interviews around this period. so far, what i've achieved are: a full job application to ExxonMobil through my friend, Arif and also 3 resumes submitted to 3 companies during the UNITEN Career Fair 2 days back. the companies: Schlumberger, Sime Darby and Alstom. pretty impressive huh? the companies, i mean. hehe. so total of 4 applications. i'm hoping for the best. and do wish me the best, you guys out there! ;P

i do wish to apply for General Electric, Shell, Honeywell, Eurocopter and some other aerospace/oil & gas companies out there. the time will come, the time will come. the application process, i mean. haha. oh i've been so damn lazy and procrastinated lots of chores. i have millions of photos need to be edited and posted. yet i felt like i've nothing to do! haha. anyway, i will be concentrating on my job application for the time being. wish me luck! :)

oh and 3 days ago, i went to the Lake Garden (or the less glamourous Taman Tasik Perdana) for a photo outing with my fellow Adelaide colleagues. i was surprised that there were so many places to visit around that area (if any of you know the Tugu Negara area). the places i recall: Bird Park, Butterfly Park, Deer Park, the Lake Garden itself and lots of other parks exist in that area. haha. i will surely visit that place again. and also the Central Market :D

hehe, guess this time around i'm babbling bout the activities i did during my job-less period eh? the emotions can wait ;)

later~

new look+new photo width

so, amacam?

new post!

i'm changing my post style. so here it goes, i'll experiment with different styles first :P

People

notice the same person all over again ;P well, there weren't that many people that can be my models other than the photographers themselves. anyway, lazy is getting lazier. so, this is going to be my post style kot? unless i suddenly found something more interesting. hehe.

i need to take more pics! erk, no, i need to edit more pics faster! huuuu